I was wanting baby 3 in my heart for awhile. I knew that i wanted just one more.
but I never imagined what one more might feel like. I knew it would be harder, there would be sleepless nights ahead, and maybe even some jealousy from our first two.
I knew they would also be a blessing to us, bring plenty of joy and expand our family. we love our new addition so much.
but I never realized I would be so scared when I found out I was pregnant and have so much guilt that the other two might not like a new baby or lose so much attention, especially in the beginning. I had plenty of thoughts " what have I done to our family of four" and lots and lots of guilt for being some what greedy for just one more. I had 2 beautiful blessings already and even lucky enough to have the joy of raising both a boy and a girl.
I don't really have a point, it's more of just my thoughts. today was a tug at your heart kind of day. I am having a hard time today because when my second baby, my big little girl who we knew would have hard time not being the baby.
see, we still even call her baby. It's her nick name and always will be.
but she said to me with tears in her eyes today " why don't you love me. because you love Sophia so much".
It kills me that she feels this way. I only hope I can mend it. I will have to try harder to be more observant of how much time i'm spending with the new one. She needs more attention because she is so little but I will have to find a better balance for Maddie. I knew that I was spending a lot of time with Sophia, I know shes the last and I'm trying to saver the last baby.
So
Maddie I love you more than you will ever know and I hope I can make it all better.
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